Why we really are so rude online

03.10.2012 2 min read

This morning I stumbled upon an interesting article about a subject that keeps coming up again and again. The question of why we are so rude online is being asked over and over again. For a good reason.

If you try and find pretty much anything online it seems as if there's no decent people to give decent answers for those who are asking. A little while ago I googled (in Finnish) for a small drying rack. One of the first results was a conversation that in only a couple of replies had turned into a petty and personal fight. It was nuts.

It's pretty clear what's going on: Online it's easier to be harsh.

Actually it's pretty much impossible to see, hear and plain old sense the initial reaction of the other person, thus it's easier to be harsh. Instead of being slapped, yelled at or having to watch the receiver of the rudeness to swallow their tears you get or don't get usually a plain written answer. Sometimes after a while too. Words don't hurt, right?

It's also true that some are not very good at reading others and they lack of empathy. I know lots of those who either clam up when they get an emotional response or just plain don't get it. Many of them think they are being honest and therefore have some sort of right to be rude.

That doesn't explain it all, does it? Not everyone online is emotionally dumb. There are people who know words hurt. So... Where are they when all this assholiness happens?

I was bullied in middle school. It wasn't physical. I was being picked on, called names, laughed at and received all sorts of hostility from my fellow school mates. The worst thing though was those who didn't that much participate in it, but who stood back and let it happen. They started to stay away from me, so that they wouldn't get involved in it. I felt left out.

Quite honestly I did it myself. I didn't want to be treated even worse and I stayed away from those others who were bullied. A couple of years later I talked with a boy who was in my class and was also bullied. We came to a decision we had been idiots: If only we had befriended back then, at least we wouldn't have been alone in it.

Most people are like that. They like to stay away from the trouble. Some might think they don't want to escalate the situation with their participation, to make it worse. In a way it's understandable. And incredibly stupid.

The article I mentioned above begins with a story of a woman who lost her friend because of a fight that occurred after she posted an article on her timeline. She decided to stay out of the fight. For some reason the friend who got attacked unfriended this woman as a result. I wonder why...

Silence is very often interpreted as a sign of consent. When you are stepping back and letting the situation go as it does without your involvement you are consenting to the rudeness. By saying nothing you are saying: "I agree with your rudeness." This leads the mean folks believe it's okay to be mean. To continue with the path they've chosen.

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